| I feel like I was married, and my wife died. |
[21 Jul 2009|06:58pm] |
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music |
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verdell bitting the tullup |
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Her side of the bed is always nicely made when I get up cause no one is there, Mornings are usual..she's usually already off to work, and I do my own coffee,breakfast, computer,shower thing...I have 30 days left. time is going by fast, just relaxing as much as I can and calm my anxiety, but I feel once I get on tour, time is going to stop for me...Im gonna lose that comfort of home, gonna have to deal with people every night, shitty places to sleep, bad food to eat...Never been a problem before, but right now its just blaaah...don't wanna do it, but I feel If I don't do it, it'll only make it worse and more isolated...I don't wanna shut life out..Life is good..
today, I remembered we had a FISH! And that we haven't fed it at "ALL" since chantelle left! lucky, poor little guy was still alive, and well...fed him. Went to work, and it was weird vibes..this old 64 y.o dude came in off the streets in a cowboy hate, asked for water, and a pen...he started sketching me, but it looked like he was scribbling everywhere, and it look liked shit, but when he finished, it was actually good, and he did another guy and it was even better!
Sometimes people amaze me, I was 2 seconds from saying get the fuck out, but I'm glade I waited out what he was doing....
I got anxiety a lil at work, I hate feeling it at home the worst...But whatever, enough with going on bout anxiety, just keep busy and make $$$ till em leave.
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| My first call |
[20 Jul 2009|07:41pm] |
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music |
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Pansy Division "gonna be a slut" |
] |
today I received my first phone call from Chantelle..She was two hours away from flying from London to Africa. She found two hundred pounds on the ground! Total score, looks like someone is looking out for her while she's out there...cause she doesn't have a whole lot of money, and she was saying she felt like she was coming down with a cold. Not good!
Today, I woke up late...and starting the day off late is bad! I didn't get anything done, I was completely lazy, I had spurts of anxiety threw the day. I know I'm getting better, I feel better. But I couldn't get motivated to do anything today. I literally sat in front of the computer, and when it'd think bout how I was wasting time not doing anything, I grew frustrated..and my head started hurting and I started stressing anxiety.
Yesterday I ended up in some seminar that we had going on in the back of our Bar...Tom lets this grand master in jujitsu use the back for his seminar, and yesterday he had a specialist who worked with pressure points in the body. And he could find what was wrong with you/bugs u based off him asking you questions and testing you're pressure points. It was pretty weird, and he knew that when I was younger I had parasites. He knows my anxiety is all chemical, and he suggest I take an herb "Berberis"....It cleans out you're system, so Ill be having the runs in a few days...
Im gonna start training with Grandmaster, lol I know it sounds silly, but whats it gonna hurt to pre-occupy my time better...Anyway, 30 more days till Tilly comes home. Kick this anxiety, cause I know this shit aint going to be in my life forever, Need to just stress less and get shit done!
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| Found someone |
[18 Jul 2009|12:20pm] |
to fill in for bass for me. Im still feeling Anxiety, They say the meds
don't kick in fully for 2-3weeks. we leave in about that, so I really have to make up my mind
weather or not I wanna go, cause the filler would have to get his time off work.
Part of me badly wants to go, I mean I do all the work, I should have the fun to..
but im so anxious bout it coming up so quick, and im not even wanting to go play one show in Berkeley tonight, I think that might be a sign saying "hey David, you tour ALL the time, The bands not breaking up, you're not leaving the band, not being kicked out of the band...just stressed out, and need to "NOT" do the things that are stressing you out, take a break."
I mean whats one tour I miss, specially if I get better, and than am ready to be on the road all the time?...I dunno, My mind is racing so fast, its on over drive and I can't shut it off...or even hang with people that long....
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| its not so bad |
[16 Jul 2009|09:42pm] |
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music |
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country music |
] |
Less stressed now that she's gone. Its out of my hands now, just have to take care of myself and keeo busy and make $$$$$ tour is only two weeks, I should be fine to do it...+ sadly don't know one person who could fill in for me...I'm feeling tired and drugged up but hopefully these meds work
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| Does anyone feel like me? |
[14 Jul 2009|07:28pm] |
I have a great life, a wonderful girlfriend, a nice warm loving home with the best pets in the world. a Great job that is walking distance from my house.
But yet, I have the worst anxiety. I go from travling and being on tour constantly, 1,000 miles away from home...to being scarred, nervous, and anxious just in like San francisco...Ive always had anxiety within spurts of my life...
My gf is going to africa tomorrow for 5 weeks. Im so sad, and feel lonely yet scarred she's going...A few weeks ago, I thought it'd be awesome. I could do whatever I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to...Now the things I take for granted like taking a shower, playing with our dogs, eatting dinner, watching "friends" or "senfield" Are ALl I really want.
I Shortly leave on tour after she leaves in august, and the tour ends the night she gets back..She arrives in Sf, and we're playing In Sf...
but I got so much stress and anxiety, I dont even wanna be on tour, Im looking for a fill in..little thoughts, memorys and things that come to my mind bring me down, and make me panic..
Ive always been anti pill, I just dnt believe a pill of any kind can really cure my problems, but ive put myself on xanax...today is my 3rd day, Im not sure if its really working or not...It's mainly just made me super tired...Which is also nice, cause if im on tour instead of being up all night freaking out, my ass will be passed out...
I just dont like being scared of life, there is no time to be scared of it, cause while I padlock myself indoors from my fears, im still dying, and not living life the way I should or need to be...
I dunno, Its seemed like its just come to me really bad since april when Travis died, and Im surpised to find out how many other people live with anxiety...Its so shitty that people like myself or anyone has to live with such a thing when there are so many worse things out there...
I dunno, I figured id ramble here, cause I doubt alot of people even read this..
but I like to know im not the only one that happends to be scared of life, and where they are going...
because as of now, I really want to just grow old in a nice house, be happy and die not afraid.
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[16 Oct 2008|11:24pm] |
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mood |
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 weird |
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He wants to see the Great
In doors He'll live in vans and
sleep on floors He wants to lead
a raucous life and lead his band
to distant shores She wants to
see him change his mindabout the
home he's left behind She knows
one day he'll settle down into the
life that she's designed He'll
have weeks of shows, each one the
kind where no ones goes She'll
have weeks alone with just the
hope he might propose They both
persist and both insist,"They'll
come around "He wants to live
his dream out loud and hear the
cheering of the crowd She wants
to live a quiet life and be enough
to make him proud The closest
thing to cheers will be the
ringing in his ears She sleeps by
her phone; awaits a ring she never
hearsThey both maintain their
desperate cl.."They'll come
around"Neither has succeeded;
neither has conceded If only he
could see how better life with her
would beShe'd be better off if
she would only set him freeAnd
so their friends all share this
common prayer:"They'll come
around"He got to see the Great
IndoorsHe lived in vans and
slept on floors
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| they can't all be good |
[08 Jun 2008|02:05pm] |
BOATS! tour so far...Not so good. Im not down bout it, im still optimistic. But two nights in oakland didnt pay off. First night we played at the stork club. We arrived fairly early to load in. Matt and I went to the korean market..They have fish slabbed onto ice. So we spent a good amount of time petting the fish, and moving their mouths up in down as if they we're talking to us. Matt got some snacks. They tasted like fun-ye-ins...We got stiffed with Playing last...What in the fuck?..1st night of tour and we're stuck with last. There was a decent amount of people, but by the time we went on, it was pretty fuckin weak. Bobby came, so That was good enough. The club payed us $6 and 25 cents. They actually gave us a quarter. What weeniers. I believe it might possibly be the last time I ever play the stork club. In my history of playing the stork they've never paid good, even when the shows ere actually good. We stayed with Jefs friend cassie. She has an outrageously cool house in oakland. I got to sleep in her bed. She was off house/dog sitting for someone else. I slept like a lil gerber baby! sept, it was oddly really fuckin cold, so I got the cold sweats! yucky Went pee pee at 7am, mutha fuckin Bobby is already up and bugging bout BBQ hott doggs! I wasnt even thinking bout eatting no weenies at that hour..at he house They have an old fashioned bathtub it was def neat. I did get burned by the water a lil, but it was real real nice.
Once we we're all dress and packed up, we went to the little island of Alemeda. We hung out In Bobbys backyard. Turns out they didnt have any Hot dogs...so we just got some lovely cheese pizzas. just for me. Pretty much wasted like 893787436 hours n the backyard. Matt and I made fresh lemonade from his lemon tree in his backyard. Matt added way to much surgar, and it was pretty gross...And there was no ice...Bobbys betty came home from teaching, and we took her car to the beach...Oddly it being summer, it was fuckin freezing..And their were wind surfers there! AHH! After that we went to 1-2-3-4 go Records. Hung out there, went back to bobbys, gotta super lotto ticket for papa Tom and relaxed.
Got to the Hazmat about 7:30ish, totally awesome place..I was feeling a good show...The show didnt end up starting till 9pm. The 1st band, Like claws played 1st. It didnt seem to go over well for em, and not many people were there...Luxury sweets FINALLY showed up and the party semi started..MOre people seemed to have been there. They played outragoeously fucking good...And That bass player...whoa wee mama meeya! We played after em, and the crowd was stiff as my penis. No matter what u tried to do, they kept their guard up. Never played a bay area show like that one...We ended up only making $20 last night, and we slept outside of bobbys house...I had a dream I kicked the shit outta matt...and papa tom turned the bar into a pizza parlor. Bobbys family is really nice, they bought us Fresh doughnuts, and gave us fresh clean towls...THANKS BoBBY for hang out with us...Our Bff! real talk...Anyway, On the road to Los angeles. Be there tonight and tomorrow and than off to Arizona!
Gas prices, please get cheaper! anyone who has sympthy and wants to donate money to me...Write ;p! but really, its not that bad! im having a great time!
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| good dae's! |
[22 May 2008|08:21pm] |
There is this guy steve that comes in every day...He's borderline asshole/sweetheart. He gives me a ton of shit on the daily, and a lot of the people there find him a brick..He gave me a $100 today to go towards my tour...all I do is serve him drinks...It was awesome, semi heart warming for a complete stanger who's probably just a lonely guy to give me all that money + still stip me the usual $6 he gives me everyday....
He made my day.
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| Pretty to pathetic |
[02 May 2008|11:03pm] |
to start thinking yer real
friends are the drunks that come into
yer bar on a daily......
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| blogger |
[19 Apr 2008|09:40pm] |
Im copying ryan skaggs, I wont be on livejournal much more, ive crossed over to BLOGGER!
anyone else have it? add me, if u can even add people there?
david11486.blogspot.com/
Copy cat...
Im copying Ryan skaggs...Only I wont be writting on the daily while on tour.
I myself am a Lil tired of Livejournal. I rarley go on it, im not happy with the lay out, or my journal....so we'll see how this works, Yeah!
Month and a half till BOATS! go on our u.s tour! Im stressing less, for I am now a BARTENDER!
Yes, a fucking BARTENDER! Go figure, a guy who hasnt touch many booze since he was 15, and can barley see over the counter is no serving booze.
I really enjoy the job, I can be myself...I can be nice, or I can be an ASSHOLE and not get fired. Im working for free, and only making tips...Its just to get experience so I can work at other bars in the future. Hopefully Ill be like Tom cruise and throwing the bottles in the air like he did in Cocktails
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| What a strange sensation... to finally be normal |
[07 Apr 2008|06:42pm] |
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music |
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The observers |
] |
Will this ever end? am I ever gonna stay put...I think im burnt out, but not ready to rest. the plan is to take a break, but do I ever really wanna take a break...Settle for awhile, work..and live a normal life...Im lost in my own world where I think everything is fine, and I dont worry about a thing... The past year ive lived in this state of mind.
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| I didnt I didnt I didnt steal yer bicycle |
[01 Apr 2008|10:36pm] |
|
So, I got laid off from my pet store job..
I worked there for 3 days total! what the fuck!
what a waste of time...I was outrageously kinda pissed off bout lossing the job.
Now im back to square one. No one is hiring...And Im leaving in two months...
Not only do I have to worry bout the next two months, but I have to worry bout the other two months ill be gone on tour....
The dates for tour are comming togather..Im stressing less bout it getting booked.
Lil nervous cuz its only my second time to the east coast. Still new to everything out there and not to sure whats hip and cool....Whatever! im really excited bout tour...
Somethings im really looking forward to..
Lubbock texas- even though ive seen everything Buddy holly related there
Austin texas- possible show on a BOAT! + Pansy division is playing pride festival which ill be attending
Boston- cuz its Boston...
Im looking forward to a lot...and seeing old faces.
After this tour though.......BREAK! ATleast a 6 month break from tour!
Possibly starting new projects...But going to mainly consintrate on new songs, recording and RELEASING RECORDS and 7"....Our main prority...SOmething we've should'a been all about sooner.. Than hopefully things will be good and BOATS! will start doing bigger and better things
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| Riches and stardom....... |
[15 Mar 2008|01:16pm] |
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music |
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Green day "judges Daughter" |
] |
Last night I was SOooooooo fucking angry!
I cant believe out of all the nights in the world
some shit like this would happen!
we Played with NErf Herder last night...And out of all the nights
we decided "NOT" to take the van...Matt drove his truck and he broke down!
The show was pretty much sold out, and he didnt get there in enough time to play...
Everyone was so fuckin nice. The club, Nerf herder sassy!
everyone! It made it even harder for me that we werent playing with them being so nice....
Ive toured so much over this last two years....
We always get to this stuck point! the band does good, we play pretty big
shows with pretty well known bands....But it doesnt go anywhere from there...
So many oppurtinitys, but it doesnt go any further..........
After our u.s tour
Im not planning ANY MORE TOURS
until BIGGER Things come our way!
we should be touring with Bands Like The breifs, NERF HERDER
or any band I like or that is big!
It needs to go further than this......
Stressing money isnt happening for me!
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| Back from yet another tour |
[07 Mar 2008|05:35pm] |
I got back home last friday night. We played fresno that night...Which was awkward cuz my dad, his gf, & roomate were there...There were people there, but not the kind that go crazy and dance, and make your band look good...we played to the awkward "lets sit down crowd" Didnt boost my confidence at all..Normally I wouldn't care, but since my dad was there...Kinda wanted it to be more like crazy....
Anyway, im back from tour...Its always a relief being back for the 1st few days or sooo...Than It hits me....Ive got no life...ive got no where to go, no one to hang out with...NO MONEY!
I probably have people I can hang with, but I make no effort into calling em...so I just sit and moop..
Im pretty sure I got a job today at Granites original sandwitch shop! Its excatly like vernon st grill....so excate, that the fucking owner USE TO OWN VERNON ST GRILL!
He was kinda white trash, wore big huge eye glasses, sleeves cut off the shirt, tub socks, shorts basketball shorts...
whatever, three more short months and ill be on a u.s tour! i cant wait.
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| white |
[09 Feb 2008|01:34am] |
Well, you don't know what you want
working everyday in your restaurant
your life is slipping out of control
lose your job gonna lose you soul
now boy, young and white, so you wanna make it bigger
boy, you better watch your step, white nigger
When you were young you had such big plans
such big ambitions gonna be a good man
I say look at you now, oh what a coward
living your life but you don't know how to live
boy (little boy) young and white, so you try to make it bigger
boy, you just don't understand do you white nigger?
Work like a devil, work like a dog
where does it get you, where do you go oooohhhhh
Work for the money, work for the show
Work for the people that you don't know
I see you driving around in your car
pretend you're not what you really are
just look in the mirror look in your eyes
what you discover will be no surprise
something is missing something's wrong
you got your money but something's gone
something you had right from the start
you should have listened to your heart
Work like a dog, work like a slave,
Work like a devil, and what have you made
Work like a dog, work 9-5
working shaking his hand you're staying alive ohhhhhh no, no where you gonna go
Work work every day
Work your life away and sure it pays
but where does it get you, where are you now
come on white nigger
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| pretty fuckin antzy |
[02 Feb 2008|08:20pm] |
to be on tour!!!!! Im so bored at home...There's nothing to do...
I know this is like a redundant bulletin, but I constantly feel in a rut here...
Ive mainly been hanging out with Anajoy and scampi, which is outrageously fun...
but, we never end up going anywhere...it's usually watch them eat, go to a store and call it a night....
If the band isnt playing, im doing nothing!
Its sad, but true...
Someone mentioned I need a new hobbie!
Any suggestions?
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| I hate |
[14 Jan 2008|07:24pm] |
when I dont get anything done...
a full day of sitting at the computer and nothing
to show for, other than masturbating a billion times!
Not what I had planned for today.....
Just get to a point where working on tour dates
gets old and I just get so crazy I have to leave it alone for a lil while...
BOATS! are playing with NERF HERDER in March!
Im real excited bout that.....I really kinda
just want to play with big bands and thats it...
Im tired of half good shows
and half shitty shows...Im done playing shitty shows...
And it sucks cuz there are always those towns that will just never ever bee good!
Hence sacramento is one of them half the time.
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| Im ready |
[10 Jan 2008|05:49pm] |
to be on the road again. IM getting pretty antzy! I always love pictures from being on tour! im excited to be on the road, and playing shows again! BOATS! have been cancelling a lot..Kinda weird...But Matt and I have been into the idea of playing it smart! we've toured a lot with Sex tape and she he he's...we're finally realizing its not our best intersted to play every show on a whim...specially if its a weekend show that u know yer not gonna make any $$$ at...Gas is not cheap, and we cant afford to waste any...
As of now, I feel really in With Justin from clorox girls.
I feel that my chances are pretty good for geting in Suspect parts!
Ive yet to ever met Chris brief..Im kinda nervous since he's who chooses who's gonna play bass....I really really wanna be in this band!
It'd be crazy being in a band with two guys from two of my favorite bands!
Plus it'd be outrageously great to be in that band and feel a lil above all the other people I kinda have beef with in sacramento...
LOL I Know thats a bad reason to wanna be in a band, but I really like the band
and he did mention a EUROPE and JAPAN tour! I just really wanna be in it, And Not have to book everything and do all the leg work...
I can still cont...doing the leg work for BOATS!
but I want to be in a band where someone else does ALL THE WORK!
Anyway,,,,APRIL! Wish me luck!
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| FUCK |
[05 Jan 2008|03:15pm] |
I hate cancelling shows! Any show, I hate it! this time I had to cancelle a mini oregon tour! I got a huge fever! my temp was 103....I was thinking bout manning up and going anyway, but the weather was looking so bad...I didn't want to have to drive threw snow, and possibly get stuck in the snow!
Im way bummed to be in bed, im way bummed not to be playing...
I feel better, but I know its not time for me to stop resting...
its at the 50/50 point....
to make shit worse, I lose power ALL DAY yesterday! No power, no heat, no tv, no internet...Just myself sick in bed, looking at the celing...
what the fuck....
On a lighter note...Im going to Portland in APRIL
to try out for Justin from clorox girls and Chris briefs new band..
Lil nervous...dont expect ill get to b in the band...but if I do, I know they are planning europe and Japan tours...so im all aboard!
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| It makes no difference |
[17 Dec 2007|09:44pm] |
fuck, im so down and depressed right now. I hate to come off as a crybaby punk bitch...Im just so down right now. My life is going no where...I look forward to the weekends to be playing shows, or being on tour...All I do is wait, wait to be gone, you can run away, and not go anywhere. When I get home my problems are still here...
Im starting to miss all my friends that im no longer friends with.
Cory, Amanda, And yes Bj.....I miss the people they were when we didnt have problems, or our diferences...Now im just kinda lonely...I making new friends here and there, but I feel fake about it, and anyone I met that the oppisite sex im probably trying to fuck, and that kills the friendship...
Getting a job would & wouldnt make things better..Id have money, but that wouldnt change the fact that ive lost the majority of my good friends..
Its pretty retarded, maybe im just so bummed cause Ive had a lot of time to do nothing, I get up at 12pm and by 1 or 2 I feel like ive already been up ALL DAY!
Tilly and I are fighting right now, I really dont know what the fuck about either...She went to bed at 8! I was looking forward to spending time with her, and now im spending the night alone....And im not going to be bed till bout 3.......
Kinda lame that I have to get my feelings out on livejournal, lol but like i said, most of my friendships went to shit...its pretty unfortunate.
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